Happy New Year

That's it pretty much over for another year then. Thank god. It takes its toll, I've got three funerals to attend next week. Is it any wonder arteries pop when all us old codgers survive for an entire year on consomme and cold veal, only to spend 48 hours stuffing in the turkey and mince pies like there's no tomorrow? It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I'm just thankful I don't live in a nursing home. If you ask me, they do it deliberately to make room for fresh blood at next year's rates.

Pudding Club

I suppose I ought to wish everyone a Happy Christmas. I went to Ted and Janet's in the end. Their grandkids seemed to have a great time playing with the old false leg, but I broke one of my few remaining teeth on a pound coin that had been secreted in the pudding, so I've got an emergency appointment with the dentist today.

In my day it used to be a threepenny piece or a sixpence. That's inflation for you. Mustn't grumble, at least I've got a whole quid to go towards the dental fees.

Spearmint Rhino

One of the worst things about this electric 'Rhino' buggy thing that I get around in these days is all the chewing gum that collects on the wheels. I've tried everything to get it off, but nothing seems to work. At least it's not as stomach churning as when I accidentally run over one of those dogpiles that are everywhere.

Looks like it's just me and the Rhino for Christmas. Like every good parent, I started badgering the young 'uns with the odd hint back in May, but so far the invite to Oz hasn't arrived. Maybe Ted and Janet will be kind enough to take me in, as long as there's not shit on my wheels.